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Sid and the City – The Beginning

dating

 

I’ve been thinking about adding a new series for my blog that is slightly different from what I normally post. I’ve done a number of series on important topics like prostitution, suicide, shame, and self-esteem. I have also put in my two cents concerning theology and politics along the way. This series is more on the personal side. This series is when I get real. This is me shooting the breeze, so to speak, with you guys. So I’m trying out this new format and based on how people react, this might be an ongoing thing.

Considering that this is my first time to do this on this platform, I kept thinking on what topic I should talk about. I guess I will just go talk about the topic that comes up naturally whenever I seem to have any conversations this day: the topic of dating. Brace yourself because things are about to get real up in here real quick.

So yesterday, I had dinner with a friend I haven’t seen for a very long time. After our initial chit chat of “hi” and “I haven’t seen you in forever!”, he just goes to the heart of the matter in a very fast and efficient way. “So, should I have a +1 for you?”, he asks. Quick background: he’s getting married in a couple of months and I was invited to their wedding. We have known each other for awhile now. I met him while I was doing my Master’s at McMaster University. So back to the story… I told him that he should have a +1 for me because it is easier to remove people than add people at a later time. Meanwhile, I’m frantically thinking of who I should invite. If this wedding was in Ottawa, it would have been an easier time. Wedding dates can be awkward so I like inviting girls where we know where we both stand relationally speaking to avoid potential misunderstandings of what being my +1 could mean. I think I have done a great job but as time progresses, I have begun to doubt how great of a job I did.

Our conversation break down looks like this.

Friend: I haven’t seen you in awhile. Are you dating someone right now?

Me: No, right now I’m not dating anyone.

Friend: Well, you are rather picky. What you’re looking for doesn’t exist.

Me: I know. But at least I’m trying to be more open now.

Friend: You have too many deal breakers.

Me: I know, I know. I’m trying, ok.

Laughter ensues.

As a Christian male who is situated within the evangelical world, the dating game is even more fraught with dangers and snares. I remember talking to my friend’s girlfriend about the girls at a church we both attended. I was telling her how most of the girls there were so aloof and stand-offish, it almost felt sinful to say hi to them. They just gave off this hostile aura to any man who approached them. She told me that the girls were complaining about how the men were not “manning up” and asking them out. I remember saying, “Really?!? I never would have thought they wanted to be in a relationship based on the way they were acting!”

The Christian dating game can be arduous and frustrating at times. I have met a number of quality girls so I don’t want to give off the impression that all evangelical girls are men-haters or anything. I think the hyper-polarization of the sexes can often lead to that type of thinking. You often hear that there’s no way that guys and girls can ever just be friends. Well, sometimes it can happen. More often than you think. But, all is not lost. Or at least, that’s what I would like to think.

What kind of experiences have you had in the evangelical dating scene? Was it positive or negative? For those who are not Christians, how would you describe the dating scene within your own social settings?

Day 11 – The Lenten Journey of Sid

community

 

Today was a sick day. I didn’t do much all day. Needed to get my rest. Figured I might as well get caught up on Community. Such a funny show. Yet, also very real. Community can be fun but it can also be messy. We are all complex human beings. It’s so much easier to put everyone in the good and evil category. Sometimes, I wish it was that simple. We are all just a ball of hurt walking around, hoping that things will eventually work out sometimes. It’s just a reminder that I need to be nicer to others because I have no idea what they have gone through/are going through. I wasn’t able to go to church today (yah, I go to church on a Saturday… and a Sunday one too! lolz) But, found out that my pastor apparently made a reference to me. I sent him my paper and he talked about it from the pulpit. That’s pretty kewl!

Join me on this journey.

Day 8 – The Lenten Journey of Sid

pitchperfect

I just want to start by saying a big THANK YOU! to all my new followers. Honestly, I am super grateful that you have decided to follow me. My goal has always been for this website to be a safe, virtual place where people can learn from each other and share great ideas that can change the world. I would love to connect with you so don’t be shy and leave a comment! =)

Today I had dinner and watched Pitch Perfect with my friend, Steph. Man, I love that movie! I think this is my fourth or fifth time watching it. It’s sooo funny! Afterwards, somehow we got talking about church and community. I was just sharing how a lot of times, I have often felt community outside of church than in it. I felt community in my online community group (shout out to #usguys) as they saw and accepted me and acknowledged my giftings. I felt community in North Africa as my Muslim friends invited me over their house and shared meals with me. As we talked about it, it’s so hard to define what makes something feel like a community. Sometimes, it just seems so nebulous. Yet, it is something that you’ll know when you feel it. That’s the thing though, you can’t say if you satisfy premise a, b, and c, then you will achieve “community” status. It’s not static. It’s a dynamic, organic thing. Right now, I’m going to a church that I really like. I like the people. I like the pastor. I think the congregation is great. I interact with the people in the church. I chat with the pastor. But even then, I still feel like an outsider. It’s not that the church isn’t welcoming, it definitely is. People there are friendly. But do I feel like I’m a part of it, I would probably say no. Maybe, the concept of community can’t be defined, but only felt. I just find it sad that I never feel it among the people who are supposed to be the very embodiment of it. It’s not their fault. It’s not mine. Sometimes, it just is.

Join me on this journey.

Day 2 – The Lenten Journey of Sid

Image

I honestly can’t believe that the darn bacon is still in the fridge. Can someone please eat it already?!? It looks at me, mocking, tempting me, reminding me of what I can’t have. Sigh. Today has been a good day. I got to spend it with some very good friends. While most people celebrate Valentine’s Day, I celebrate Singleness Awareness Day. Yet another day to be reminded that I’m single. However, I also have to remind myself that I’m single not because I don’t have options. I’m single because I do have options! I’m not going to go into a relationship just for the sake of having a relationship. But, I wasn’t going to let this day get me all depressed. So, I went out with two friends and had a great time. We went to an Ethiopian restaurant and had some vegetarian fare. It was a little bit hard opening the menu and seeing the lamb, beef and chicken option and having to say no, no and no to all three. And when we got to the restaurant, I had to resist the urge to check in and claim new points because I was probably “the first of my friends to check-in” at that place. I couldn’t even Instagram my picture. During the ride back home, this random piece of the bus handle hit me in the face as a man tried to use it to steady himself. Instead of helping him remain standing, it flew straight to my face. I couldn’t even tweet my rage! I honestly don’t know how people without social media live. I was secretly hoping that the guy in front of me who saw the whole thing would tweet about it. I guess if I can’t go on social media, I can live vicariously through others.

As I’m going through this period of being refined, it’s hard not to whine and grumble about everything. I’m missing out on this, I’m missing out on that, I can’t have this, I can’t have that. Those seem to be what I constantly feel. However, I also know that as I get rid of the outside noise, I will be able to hear the voice inside with more clarity. The voice is faint, barely a whisper. I can’t wait to hear it speak loudly. I’m not sure what it would tell me to do, but I know that it will tell me not to settle for mediocrity when I was made for excellence. For now, I must content myself with the soft whispers as the outside noise continues to assault my senses.

Join me on this journey.