For today’s Wednesday Writings, I wanted to share a new poem I wrote. This poem was inspired by real life events. It is a mixture of different people I have encountered whose life situations were all different but strangely connected by one thing: addiction. There is something incredibly frustrating and painful for people who suffer through addiction of any kind. There is that daily struggle of succumbing to the temptation or fighting through it with teeth clenched. There is the awful feeling of guilt and shame, that you can never live up to everyone else’s expectations even if you want to. You know that you are hurting the ones you love and the last thing you want to do is cause them pain because of your actions but at the same time, sometimes you just can’t stop yourself from feeding the addiction itself.
So many times, when we see and meet people who are addicts, there’s a tendency to think “Why can’t you just stop what you’re doing? Look at how you’re hurting yourself and others around you!” It’s not as if the person doesn’t know that. It is hard to love an addict because in some ways, you have to be ready to be disappointed. Sure, things can get complicated and messy and confusing… but I hope that we would never stop loving even when it hurts to love.
Safi*
You look at the ground, cloudy eyes, creating raindrops that fall to the floor
Wondering
Waiting
Wishing
Why?
Why can’t I change?
The destruction you leave behind in your wake knows no bounds
It is true what they say
The ones you love are the ones you hurt the most
She turns to look at you
For the last time
You break her heart into a million pieces because of your actions
She breaks your heart into a million pieces with her last glance
Just another broken relationship
In a long line of broken relationships
Broken hearts
Broken promises
Broken lives
You wonder
You wonder if this is what your life is really all about
Is it but heartache and pain?
You wait
You wait for healing that does not come
Is it for everyone but me?
You wish
You wish that things were different
Is it futile to hope for a better future?
You look at the ground, your face mirrored in the pool of tears, and scream into the nothingness you have created.
*Safi is a Moroccan word meaning “enough”
Pensées by Sid 