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2015 – The Year of the Blog

               Happy-New-Year-10

2014 with all of its joys and triumphs, trials and triumphs, is now over. 2015 brings with it the whiff of potential change, that things will hopefully be better than the last. If 2014 wasn’t particularly kind to you, 2015 is the time to shake it off. A new year is the time when we can reflect about the previous year, learn from our mistakes, figure out our strengths and become the better version of ourselves for 2015.

2015 will be my “Year of the Blog.” Every year, I have struggled with being a consistent blogger. The excuses keep on changing every year but the end result is still the same: lack of consistency in producing blog posts. This is the year where that will hopefully change. I’m currently doing Jon Acuff’s 10 Day Do Over Challenge and I am yet again reminded of how I want to make sure that I put blogging at the top of my list to achieve this year. I will make sure that I will be producing content once a week. What that content looks like will vary. It can be a traditional blog post or maybe share poetry that I’ve written or share my love for a certain song or artist. Whatever it is, I will be sharing content once a week. By sharing this with you, my dear reader, you can help me be accountable in pursuing this challenge of mine.

To my readers, thank you so much for taking the time to read my musings on life. Thanks for reaching out to me and telling me how much you have appreciated something I have written in the past or interacted with me and expanded my views on certain issues. I have had the awesome privilege of being a guest blogger in a number of other blog sites because of people having seen what I have written in my own personal blog site. Thanks for reading, for liking and for sharing my blog posts. I would love to have more guest bloggers to highlight this year as well so don’t be surprised if I ask =)

Let 2015 be the year of overcoming obstacles and reaching greater heights in our own personal lives. May it be the time we finally decide to get rid of toxic relationships and only stick to those that encourage us. May 2015 be the year we take the time and effort to become the better selves we have always imagined ourselves to be. May 2015 be the year that our dreams turn into our realities.

Wishing you and your loved ones a Prosperous New Year!

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Monday Musings – Living with doubts

doubt

In the words of Five for Fighting’s eponymous song, “it’s not easy to be me.” I always wonder how to answer the question “how are you?” when posed in social settings. Do you really want to know or are you asking me because social etiquette dictates that normal conversations usually begin with that particular question? There are times when I am tempted to just unload what I really think but I often hold back. No one deserves to get dumped on like that with no previous warning. My friends are usually the ones who truly ask me how I’m doing. They don’t readily accept an “I’m fine, how are you” response. After the initial question, the follow-up question of “really, how are you?” is posed. That’s when the reality of my situation begins.

I’m currently doing my Ph.D. in Christian Theology. I just finished my first year of course work. It was as challenging as I thought it would be. And more. But, it was also strangely rewarding. I’m really thankful that I get to do what I get to do. I’m surrounded by people who have devoted themselves to studying the Scriptures more intensely and more actively than most people. How awesome is that? When you’re surrounded by greatness, it is really easy to wonder if you belong. I often wonder if they picked my name by mistake. Maybe, I got in the Ph.D. program by a clerical error. The feeling of “I don’t belong here” can be really debilitating. They have a name for this condition. It’s called  Impostor Syndrome. I have it and many in the Ph.D. program have it too. Apparently, becoming faculty doesn’t quite erase the feeling. That’s always good to know. =)

I also wonder how I can remain in the program. Financially speaking, I’m at my wits’ end trying to figure out how to fund this endeavour. Money may not buy you happiness but it sure can help you buy the things that make you happy. Right now, I really don’t know where the funding will come from. And that’s scary. I’m looking for a job that will allow this to happen and I’m not sure if I can find a job that would enable me to make it possible. This is when the small doubts coalesce to an avalanche that threatens to overwhelm me and bury me in its wake.

Yet, during this most doubtful of times, God has sent people along the way to affirm me. He reminds me that I am on the right path. He reminds me that I am where I need to be. I think my first response when confronted with doubt is to run away and cut my losses. Yet, I know that if I quit, I would never be able to live with myself. Like a moth to a flame, I would find myself back in this very same scenario time and time again.

As a friend once said, “I am exactly where I need to be.” I find strange comfort in that. Success is often measured on how many obstacles you had to overcome to get to your goal. Doubts present us with obstacles, real or imagined, that try to tell us that we can’t make it or that it can’t be done. I have no doubt that I will not be able to make it through without the One who gives me strength. In Him, I have no doubt. He will help me make it through.