Pensées on Suicide

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There’s just something about suicide that just hits me to my core. My heart just goes out to people who carry what must be such unbearable pain that they feel that the only way to make it go away is to choose death over life. I can’t even begin to think how isolating and how lonely that must feel. I know that some people think that it is the only way to escape the immense hurt they are going through. Some choose death not because they don’t think that life is not worth living… they choose death because life is simply too much for them to bear. Suicide notes usually tell the people they leave behind that they have nothing but utmost love for them and tell them not to berate themselves for what happened. It wasn’t their fault.

Once you factor in mental illness in the picture, it becomes an even murkier picture. Schizophrenics are prone to hear voices that tell them to commit acts of aggression against others, or even against themselves. The line between what is real and what is not real becomes blurred. The constant struggle can be burdensome. In that one quick moment when you lose that fight between reality and illusions, the outcome can be tragic and irreversible. As someone once said, “suicide is a permanent response to a temporary problem.” However, I just find pithy statements like that to be so cliché that it verges on useless. I find that statements like that tend to make something painfully real into something abstract. Suicide is tragic. Suicide is heart wrenching. Suicide is soul crushing.

When I heard what happened to my friend, I was shocked. I was speechless. Immediately, you think of your last interaction and wondered if there was something you could have said or something you could have done to be an encouragement or bring a smile to their face. When faced with the reality and cruelty of death, we are forced to remember the fragility of life. We are forced to think of our priorities in life and what matters most to us.

As a Christian, the reality of death also confronts us with the reality of the afterlife. According to the Christian worldview, heaven and hell are the two places where one might end up when we die. Suicide, in particular, makes us wonder where the soul might go. I think it is only important to remind people that in the end, only God knows the eternal fate of our souls. It is good to be reminded that it is not up to us to determine where others shall go. Whatever your thoughts may be on the matter, it is probably better for you to keep it to yourself. Since you’re not God, your opinion/speculation doesn’t matter at all.

To those left behind, suicide is extremely hard to bear. It’s hard not to blame ourselves for what we could have done to prevent it. What if I said/did something that drove them to do it? Why couldn’t they confide in me? Why did they think that this was the only way to fix the problem? I can’t even fathom the emotions that a grieving loved one feels. There are no words to adequately explain the depth of hurt and pain etched in their faces and engraved in their hearts.

To those who feel that suicide is the only option, I want you to know that it isn’t. There is help available to you and for you. Please talk to a family member, a trusted friend, or if needed, seek professional help. There’s nothing wrong with that. You don’t have to go through the loneliness alone. This world is a better place because you’re in it. Please don’t quit on us. You are loved more than you can ever know by the One who made you. God doesn’t make mistakes and you are not a mistake. You are the apple of His eye.

For the rest of us, let’s not be stingy with our praise and encouragement of others. Let’s cherish each other’s presence. We can never say “I love you” too many times. Let’s make sure that the one time we do say “I love you” is not the one time that the person can’t hear it anymore.

To my friend, say hi to the angels for me. May you rest in peace in the bosom of the God who loves you.

 

6 thoughts on “Pensées on Suicide

  1. Great insight Sid.I think the taboo around suicide needs to be let go. Yes, it is uncomfortable to talk about- but it is much worse when the first time someone thinks about these things is when they are confronted with it. I was in my mid-20s when I learned basic suicide prevention (how to deal with others who may come to me in crisis, as well as making a suicide-prevention “plan” for myself), and I was embarrassed that I hadn’t educated myself sooner. We need to get over the discomfort and teach everyone (I would suggest teenagers in particular) how to deal with this issue because it is so prevalent and affects so many of us. In my experience, people who are in a crisis situation are often well-aware that their friends/family don’t know how to “deal with” them and avoid asking for help because they can feel as if they are putting the weight of their situation on someone else, rather than asking for help in an environment where they know they will be understood (like we do with physical illness/struggles)

    • Thanks Patti! I totally agree with you that we need to let go of the taboo and have the conversation because quite honestly, I’d rather have an “uncomfortable” talk and learn basic suicide prevention than pretend it isn’t there. Denying its existence doesn’t make it go away.

      And the whole stigma about it has to go! When someone is going through a physical illness, most people tend to be super supportive and gracious about their situation. Not so much with mental illness. Just because it happens in the brain doesn’t make it any less of an illness than if an illness was affecting your arms and legs. I think that there are strides happening in reducing the stigma about mental illness but there is still much to do in that area.

  2. I agree, the stigma is not helpful and most of us just charge through through our difficulties. here’s a useful tool that people can use to screen themselves for depression. Your family doc would have one of these as well. I find screeners like these helpful if I want to check how I am doing but not visit my doc.
    http://www.deanbrown.ca/forms/MHA/PHQ9.pdf

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